Recognizing Christ In Others

It has been very interesting to read what others are saying in response to my seemingly harmless post. But I suppose it's time I respond.

Our society has affected the way we think about things and the way we talk. One has to be very careful of the words they use to get across their meaning. If we are so cautious as to not offend anyone with everything we say, we will, no doubt, say nothing at all. However, I know for a fact that there are several non-believers that check my blog regularly. So it is my responsibility that I choose my words carefully to say what I would like to say and that it be pleasing to my God. That said, I will continue.

Any true follower of Jesus would agree with me on the point that there is an unmistakeable bond between fellow Believers. It's the Holy Spirit alive and working in us that opens our eyes to recognize the mark of our Creator God. Example, my husband used to work in a huge financial institution where few were Believers. Wendi also worked there. Although they didn't know each other, they had seen each other once or twice and had been apart of a short group conversation at one time. Wendi went home to her husband and told him that she thinks this guy at work is a Christian. Dan told me the same. About two years after both had left the institution, we saw them at church. We spoke with them and have been friends ever since.

That is one example of many that shows that Christians recognize one another. It's Jesus in us that connects us - not we as humans, in and of ourselves.

It is the unseen bond of Christ that I speak of. Yet, the Bible speaks of tangible things that can identify a Christian. Jesus says in John 14.15, "If you love Me, keep My commandments." In verse 21, He goes on to say, "He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him." Galatians 5.22 tells us what the fruit of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, faith. These are the marks of the Believer. 1 Corinthians 13 is an entire chapter set aside for describing LOVE. "The indispensable mark of Christian life is Christian love." (New Geneva Study Bible, Theological Note on Love, pg 1818) True love is recognizable and there is a connection between two people that are indwelled with this Love.

Certainly, one can talk the talk and walk the walk without truly loving Christ or allowing the Spirit to sanctify him. But that person has not Love. That person cannot truly love the way Christ loves unless Christ is in him. That is a scriptural fundamental. But if one doesn't believe scripture to be the inspired Word of God, then we have another issue on our hands.

In my original post, I wasn't speaking of judgment. There was no judgment made on my friends or anyone else because I can connect on a certain level with some and not others. I can most certainly befriend non-believers and love them the way Christ loves. I can only pray that the Holy Spirit will reach their souls through my love of them. But it is not I who judge. I have Scripture as my authority. That is my instruction manual. Whether or not another is truly walking with God is between them and God. It is He that they must reckon with. And whether you believe me or not, they will reckon with Him. We all will.

But I must emphasize again that I so enjoy true fellowship with fellow Believers if simply because I enjoy true fellowship with my Messiah. They encourage me and uplift me. They point me to Christ. Or rather, I suppose, it is the Holy Spirit that does all that through His followers. Either way, I am blessed.

The Trees of the Fields Clap Their Hands

Eli, getting into the magazine rack. It's beginning...

With the temperatures dropping to the low 50's and the overcast skies bringing the rains from Hurricane Ernesto, it feels like Fall is here to stay. My mind tells me different as I've become accustomed to Mid-Atlantic weather this time of year. Although I haven't read the Farmer's Almanac nor had I so much as turned on the television to watch the weather until this morning which got me no closer to information about the weather than looking out the window, I expect that we'll probably end up with an Indian summer, only being teased with a spell of cooler weather and a un-elaborate color scheme compared to "finer" parts of the country. This time of year, I reminisce of years spent in New England and the trees in all their colorful glory singing praises to their Maker.

"For you shall go out in joy and be led forth with peace. The mountains and the hills before you will break forth into singing, and all the trees of the hills will clap their hands."

Last evening, we got together with some friends of ours. It had been quite awhile, but the time spent talking, laughing and discussing marrital matters as well as child-rearing matters was both thought-provoking and enjoyable. I must say that good times spent with fellow believers is beyond anything one can explain to a non-believer. There's a bond that automatically connects us, if, and this is rather a key factor, the other person is truly walking with Christ. I've met stagnant Christians who act as though they've got everything together, but when you sit down to talk with them, they are evasive and unpersonal. Perhaps it's in part due to personality, but I know that it has to do with whether or not the Holy Spirit is truly present and working. Naturally, there are people that are hard to love whether Christian or not. Some of us are still set in our ways, but there is so much grace in Christ that it flows out of His followers. I know extremely personable non-Christians that on a human level I connect with very well. But there's still something lacking in those relationships that is the greatest bond: the bond we have in Christ. If you, reader, don't have Christ, then you haven't the slightest idea what I'm talking about. And you probably don't realize the missing bond. But once your eyes have been opened, and I guarantee you, they will be opened at one point or another (hopefully sooner rather than later, for your sake), you will see that all this while, you have been missing a common bond in your relationships that will make friends all the more dear. Dear friends help us get out of our selfish ways and cause us to do things that have no ulterior motive. We are suddenly released from the bond of thinking only of ourselves and finding an end to making ourselves happy and content, never to find it. The only way to true satisfaction and contentment in life is to know your Maker as all of nature does. Jesus said, if these men don't praise their Father in heaven, the rocks will! You will see that life is so much more enjoyable and there is an assurance that the family of God will be together in heaven after death. Death is only the beginning.

Called To Missions

Some of you know that Dan and I have been led to pursue missions. We each have our individual stories of when we were younger and felt the Lord's call on our lives to go into missions. For me, it was a very clear calling:

I was about twelve years old and I was playing in my room while I was supposed to have been dusting (as was often the case), when suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, I heard a voice in my head as clear as if someone were talking to me in the room. "You will be a missionary for My sake." I stopped playing immediately and fell to the floor crying. I told God that I would do it. I didn't know what the stakes would be or where I'd go or how it would all come about, but I said I'd do it.

I was always interested in missions. The idea of going to some far off land to help people and be relational appealed to me. But as I got older and perils of ministry overtook our family, I tried to rationalize it away. The more I thought about it, the more I feared it. For many years, I ran from it. I'd seen ministry first-hand as a pastor's daughter and there was nothing glamorous about being in ministry. In fact, it was one of the most unglamorous professions I'd seen. That was all it was to me at that time: a profession. It would be years later when "profession" would turn into "lifestyle."

Christianity confused me. I thought I was a Christian from the time I said the "Jesus prayer" when I was four. I did it on my own and without any urging from my folks. I asked the questions on my own and I said the prayer on my own, by myself, at the bottom of the "tired stairs" in our little house in Harrisonburg, VA. Then when I was thirteen, I joined the church after sitting through the classes. At that time, I believed whatever my parents believed. Their faith was my faith. I wanted their approval, so I did what I needed to get it. But I still didn't understand grace in my heart. I would later find out that I was nothing but legalistic; an un-believer trying to believe, but not grasping it. My attempts left me exhausted, confused and depressed. So I ran. I wanted happiness and I was not finding it in Christianity. I believed in God, but I repressed it and I didn't want anything to do with Him. He was making me miserable, so I tried to find freedom elsewhere. My legalism bound me and my illusions of others left me crippled and hurt.

My "rebellious" road (I use quotations b/c in essence I simply lived a non-Christian life) was relatively short but extremely intense. The more intense the rebellion, the more intense the breaking. The bigger the pride, the bigger the fall. My road to recovery was nothing short of a miracle. Once again, the memory of my call to missions hung before me. Although I was free in Christ at last, fear of certain types of ministry gripped me. I knew I would eventually end up there, but I was still afraid. Slowly, God chipped away one fear after another.

When I met Dan, I liked him right away. After getting to know him, I could see that God was working on his heart and would use him in a big way. We encouraged each other in our walks. Dan was working in finance, and that was a lot better than ministry. Dan's response to my joy was simple. "You never know..." was all he said. After we got married, I found out that Dan had been given the desire for missions at a young age, too. That somewhat surprised me as I hadn't known it before, but apparently, until we met, he had forgotten about it. Then his desire returned full force. I knew before we got married that we would more than likely end up in ministry of some sort. What form, I didn't know. But I knew that though we were both in need of maturing in faith and still had a lot to learn, we were ministry material. Dan's passion for Christ was growing fast and furiously. My fears were subsiding. Dan brought up the subject a few times during our first year of marriage. "Not now," was always my response. Our prayer was that we would know the time by our unity. If the Lord didn't want us to do something, he would give one of us reservation. We continue to pray that He would lead us through our unity.

Earlier this year, Dan brought it up again. This time, I agreed with him. In fact, the more we talked and prayed about it, the more excited we got. We feel very much at home here in Central Bucks County. We established our identity as a married couple at our church, Calvary Chapel. We made some of the closest friends here and have grown spiritually. This is our community and our home. Yet, we feel called to go. This is not where our road ends. We spoke to our pastor and others from the church about it; we have their support and excitement. After conversations and prayers on where to go, we have determined that Israel is the road to pursue. At this time, Dan will join a team from our church to do a missions trip in Israel on Oct 31 - Nov 10. Crazy, you say? Isn't the gospel for the sick and broken-hearted? It would be more culturally acceptable for us to do inner-city missions, but we would be in more danger there than we would be in Israel. If you are concerned about safety, read Ps 91.

We covet your prayers during this time as Dan prepares to go. Pray that God would prepare the hearts of those that are going and those with whom they will be sharing the gospel. Pray also for safety. Pray that God would give Dan discernment as he determines whether or not to bring me back with him to further pursue Israel as our location. Pray for clear leading of the Spirit.

Reflection

The other day, Eli pulled himself into the kitchen where I was working. He found his reflection in the trash can and had a hayday with it. It looked somewhat like a circus mirror, but he didn't really know any different. I'm sure there's a lesson in the fact that one can see their reflection in a trash can and get so excited over it, but I choose to let that one slide. I knew this guy once that would find a spiritual lesson in absolutely everything. It was quite remarkable, actually. We'd be talking about nothing, and he would somehow find a great spiritual lesson out of it. It was a gift really.

A Walk in the Park

Monday was a gorgeous day in Bucks County. When Dan got home from work, we jumped in the car and headed for Peace Valley Park for a walk before dinner. The sky was beautiful. The clouds were all kinds of shapes. Some of the clouds were long and swirly (1st picture above). There was one (above) that looked like a vertebrae with the hip bones at one end. The picture doesn't really capture it as it was a very long vertebrae, but with a little imagination, you can see anything you want out of the weirdest things. We love walking along the edge of the lake. As per its name, it really is very peaceful there. However, it is a very popular place to picnic, walk, ride bikes, jog, row your boat, canoe, sail, etc. So it can often get crowded. But since it's such a huge park, people can spread out. Dan and I like to push Eli in the stroller and catch up about things as we walk and soak in the sun when we get a chance. It's invigorating while relaxing. Just another reason why we love living in Bucks County.

Down For the Count

Last night, about three hours after putting Eli to bed, he woke up crying. Noting that this was unusual behavior, Dan and I went to check on him. It turned out that he had come down with a terrible cold without any warning signs (or at least that I noticed). I had noticed that he had been pulling on his ear the past few days, but that was it and it could mean anything. So after suctioning his nose and soothing his tears, we put him back to bed. The poor baby couldn't even suck on his binki because of the conjestion. He woke up a few more times during the night, and when I got him up this morning, it seemed to have only gotten worse. His spirits weren't too down, but he couldn't breath a stitch out of his nose. He's so cute and precious when he's not feeling well. He's usually really good about it and doesn't let it stop his playtime if he can help it. But this morning after his nap, he just cried out of pity and misery. I held him and tried to feed him, but he couldn't breath, so it didn't work so well. He just lied in my arms without moving much. All he wanted was to be held and comforted. Later, I tried to feed him some real food, but he just sat there with his eyes half closed and didn't move. I wanted to cry! I gave him some tylonol which worked quickly to break the fever and I was able to give him some food and apple juice. He was then able to play a little before naptime. As soon as I put him down in his crib, he was ready and just fell right to sleep. Later, I went in to check on him and found that he was in the same position I had layed him down in, but he had moved a little to grab his bear and pull it in close to hug. I couldn't resist taking this picture. It was so cute!

Answered Prayer

Well, God certainly has a way of answering prayers quickly! We have a crib for Eli now. Our friends Josh and Becky are moving next Thursday. Quite a surprise as we've been out of town for a week and a half. Apparently, it happened very quickly and unexpectedly. They will be moving Daniel into the bunk bed when they get to the other house, so Becky offered me the crib. How awesome is that?! Thank you, Lord!

Eli will have a steady and secure crib to sleep in next week.

Getting Settled...?

No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.

~Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

Getting back in the routine of things is rather difficult after such a great vacation. I think we need another vacation! Since Tiffany is no longer living with us, we can move Eli back into his bedroom. As he's been getting older (he is, in fact, 6 months old today), he's become far more conscious of our presence in the room. It's worked out quite well, I must say. He hasn't been too difficult to share a room with. The hardest times were when he was going through a growth spurt and would wake up real early in the morning. And instead of letting him fuss himself back to sleep, I would have to do whatever I could do get him to sleep so that he wouldn't wake up the others in the house.

So yesterday, we moved his furniture back into his room. After setting up the crib, Dan looked at it, and determined that it was just entirely unsafe for him to sleep in anymore. The crib was given to us by someone who had used it for her children. The crib converts into a toddler bed, so I was quite excited by the prospect of getting a crib and a toddler bed for free. Unfortunately, it's not going to work out. The wood is very soft and had begun to split in a few places. The rail on one side was not stable. Considering how much Eli moves around now in his sleep (and when he's lying awake) the thing would fall apart on him. So we tossed it. Eli is now sleeping in his pack and play until we can get him something better. I must say, that pack 'n play has come in handy so many times. I don't know what I'd do without it.

My other sister, Angela, is moving to Glenside today. She's found three girls who attend Westminster Seminary to live with and a great job at an animal hospital (which happens to be her speciality). Tiffany went back to NY to get ready for school which starts very soon. We miss her already. I keep expecting her to come home in the late afternoons after work.



This picture was taken at the end of the week at the beach. It symbolizes so much: the close of a great vacation with family, the close of a great summer, and the beginning of a new season. Autumn is on its way. I can feel it. I love the look of the late summer sun. It just gives me a comfortable feeling, like we can start to relax a little because the busyness of the summer is past. Fall brings with it a wonderful feeling - my brother calls it "phase." It's the Phase Time of the year. Time to bring out the Fall movies. (In my family, there are certain movies that you watch only at certain times of the year. Rather insane, really.) Time to make the apple pies, apple dumplings, apple crisp. Time to bring out the deep oranges and browns. Time to enjoy sitting out on the deck without being too hot or worry about getting bitten. I love this time of year.

Vacation Pics

Tim and Melissa...
Eli's Great-Mom Mom feeding him...
An early morning walk at the beach...
There was a pond right outside our beach house where we like to feed the turtles. They come right up to you as soon as they see you walk to the water's edge. At one time, I counted more than twenty, but I'm sure there are so many more. This picture captures both the turtles' heads as they pop up to the surface as well as the houses and their reflection on the water.
A little fuzzy, but I like the picture anyway...

Family Pics

Eli...
Mom Mom and Pop Pop...
My cousin Jerry Sue and her 9 month old, Berto....
Angela Margaret....

Growing On Vacation

We just got back from vacation last night. We had a great time. We left on August 3rd for Virginia after picking up Tim and Melissa from the airport. We had a great time with our Virginia family...Eli got to see his great-aunts and uncles and cousins for the first time, and...his GREAT-GRANDPARENTS. Mom Mom and Pop Pop got to see little Elias for the very first time.

On Sunday, we headed to the Outer Banks. The past week and a half brought on some exciting growing news! Elias has TWO TEETH and has strengthened his sitting up position. He's scooting all over the place- practically crawling, but not yet. Still, he can't be left alone, and I'll be heading out to Babies R Us or somewhere cheap for a gate.

More pics and stories to come. Stay tuned....!

Chillin' With Mommy and Daddy

Elias is constantly changing and growing. Everyday, it seems, there's something new he's learned and is putting it into practice. So far, he can roll over from his tummy to his back (nothing new) and his back to his tummy (new) with ease. He's gaining arm strength and hand-eye coordination, so he can grab things from a distance and pull them to himself - usually to his mouth where he procedes to drool excessive amounts of saliva all over whatever it is he's holding onto, and that would be anything that is within reaching distance. He's gaining leg strength: he often tries to stand when whoever is holding him is sitting or when you put him down on the ground, he'll try to stand. He pulls his knees under his body and pushes off. His arms are not yet strong enough to hold himself up while his knees are under him for very long. But he's working on it. He loves to scream and squeal. The other day, no word of a lie, he squealed all his waking hours. I'd lay him on the floor with his toys and he would turn himself over onto his back and just kick and squeal to his heart's content. Yesterday, he learned how to use this new sound when angry. That was not fun. Ah, thus starteth the lessons of discipline - at five months!

We're getting ready to go to the Outer Banks with my family. We're all very excited. There's a lot of shopping to do for 10 adults, as you can imagine. We will be heading to Virginia to visit my family down there on the way. We'll be leaving on Thursday this coming week and then on Sunday, we'll drive to Cape Hatteras. A long ride with a baby. Hopefully, he'll enjoy the trip. Now's when I really wish we owned a minivan. We're having to take both of our cars to fit everyone and the luggage, and with gas prices these days...whew. Not to mention the heat. One of our cars is without AC. But we're letting my sisters drive that one. They're just excited to have a car to drive.

Reed and Elias

Reed Johnson came over to play on Monday night. They've known each other since the day Reed was born, 9 days after Eli. (You can read about it here.) But this was the first time they actually interacted with one another. They are growing up so fast!

Giving Mommy Kisses

Eli has been giving me kisses for a little while now. More recently, he's given Aunt Biff and Nana, and Keegan kisses as well. (Daddy's still a little too scruffy.) It's so cute; he'll grab my face and pull it towards his with his mouth wide open and tongue out. This is how babies do anything. He knows that Mommy kisses his face with her lips, but he's not quite sure how to do it, so he does what he does best, open his mouth and stick out his tongue. Here is a picture of him giving me kisses last night, but I'm afraid it's hard to catch the moment in a digital camera. (They simply aren't fast enough for a "moment.")

Dan, Tiff and I were busy yesterday preparing for Eli's dedication party today. We're dedicating him in church today. Afterwards we're having people over to our little condo for food and a good time. Hopefully, the BobFather will take some good pictures, so I can post them. (For those of you don't know, the BobFather is Dan's dad who happens to be a growing photographer. You can view his blog with his pictures here.)

Nana and Papa Visit

Mom and Dad came down on Friday afternoon for a quick visit - they left Saturday morning. Being a pastor, Dad rarely has Sundays off, so the only time Dad can come is during the week and usually for short amounts of time so he can get back to prepare for his big workday. With Elias growing so quickly, the time between visits seems extended and the parting grows more difficult. So it was nice having them here even if it was a short time. It was as if they lived nearby and just came over for the evening to hang out. We had dinner together and a leisurely evening. Mom helped me make a curtain, then she and Tiff went to Rita's for gelati and Dan and I ordered the best nachos in the world from The Drafting Room. Saturday morning came all too quickly. But we all look forward to August 4th when we'll all be together again, this time with Tim and Melissa. We drive to Virginia together, then off The Outer Banks for a fun-filled time of relaxation and "quality time" together.

Another Little Person!

On Thursday, Karen and Keegan came up to visit. We normally get together on Thursday mornings to walk, but the boys are generally sleeping. They have noticed each other before and seemed interested in one another, but not like this week. We had them on the floor together so they could play and stare at each other. They were actually interacting - well, as much as 5-6 month olds can interact. It was as if they were saying, Look, Mom! Another little person like me! They were even giving kisses to one another! (It's okay for babies to do that.) At one point, we noticed that Keegan was fussing a bit. When we looked over at them, Elias had a clump of Keegan's hair in his fist jamming it into his mouth! We pulled Keegan away with a soaked head of hair.

We packed up the boys and headed off to the park, about 10 minutes away. By the time we got there, both boys had fallen asleep. We managed to move them to their strollers without waking them and we walked around the lake. All in all, it was a good day.

Ode To Favorite Adult Friends

Do you remember as a child when there was a favorite adult that really spoke your language? You loved that person like they were your best friend in the whole world and you hoped that nothing would change. I remember several of those in my childhood. I liked my "adult friends" better than I did most other kids my age (until I got older, that is). They made me feel secure, where as other children were always fickle and never trustworthy.

I don't remember his name, but when I was in the first grade, my class was invited to stay the night at Beth's house. I remember there was dancing and music for the adults and the kids pretty much ran around and played with eachother. Now, I was a pretty shy kid and this was not my idea of a fun time. I'd much rather have stayed home, all snug in my bed, where my mommy, daddy and siblings were nearby. Familiarity takes the cake. But I was too proud, even as a 6 yr old, to admit fear of staying the night somewhere when my whole class was doing it. I know I had my blanket and thumb, so I would be fine. I wasn't fine. A man, perhaps an uncle or family friend of Beth's, took me under his wing and made me laugh. He danced with me and made me forget my woes, at least for the moment.

Behind our Virginia House lived a couple, Charlie and Christie. They had a German Shepherd named Spud who always ran away. Charlie had a garden; Christie worked a lot. They were my friends, and I always visited them. They were rarely at home together at the same time. Then they had a baby who was born with no fingers or toes. Then they divorced and moved away. I never heard from them again.

OK, so that story wasn't all bright and shiny, but at least they were my friends when they were there - when I needed them.

Elias is still a bit young to be in the same boat as I was when I was 6, and besides the fact that his mommy will always be the star in his life, he has a friend now that he is enjoying to the utmost. I fear for his emotional stability when she leaves. Her name is Aunt Biff.


Aunt Biff and Elias get along so well and have so much fun together. It's a shame that she has to work at all and she can't just stay home and play with him all day. I'm sure if he could identify his feelings and communicate them, he would say that he wishes she could. Elias is extremely social. He needs people around. When it's just Mommy and Eli all day in the house, we can get cranky. We need walks, we need action, and we need people. I don't know where he gets it from... Goodness knows, Dan and I are simple homebodies living quiet simple lives. (If you know anything about us, you'd know that was balderdash.)

We will miss Aunt Biff. She is such a joy to have around. Even with the small space that we have, it's working out quite nicely. We all get along beautifully and have a lot of fun together. Last night, was an enjoyable evening for us. The power went out for several hours due to a major thunderstorm. We were supposed to watch Star Wars: Episode IV last night, but instead sat in the living room and talked or read to candlelight. Eli wouldn't sleep b/c of the flashes of lightening and rolling thunder, so he joined us in the living room and he was quite happy with all of us there.

On Monday, Dan and I went tubing - my gift to Dan for Father's Day. Always looking for a way to save on everything we do, we got a buy-1-get-1 deal at Bucks County River Country, afterwards, we went out to eat Red Lobster with a free gift card through Discover Card's cashback bonus rewards. Guess who watched our little bundle of responsibility? Yup, Aunt Biff. We stopped at home to shower before heading out to eat, and when Eli saw us, of course, he was happy. But he had been quite happy with Aunt Biff before we even arrived. They had a lot of fun that day swimming at Nonnie's and playing together before going down for the night.

Aunt Biff will be missed by the little guy - and his parents.

Elias Tricks

Eli has been getting stronger and better balanced. When on his tummy, he pushes himself up with his hands and scoots around in circles. He'll push up with his legs and sticks his little tooshy in the air. He's even pushed off with his legs to scoot himself forward. He rolls over from him tummy to his back all the time. We haven't yet mastered the back to tummy roll. Frequently, when he's being held, he likes to be pulled up to the standing position. He can hold himself up when held by his hands. He is getting very good at sitting up with support. This morning, I sat him on the floor and he put his hands out in front of him to hold himself up. He sat there long enough for me to grab the camera and take his picture. I was so excited!



This is the little man doing push-ups.

Sunglasses Baby

A Week in Ohio

Last Wednesday, Dan, Eli and I slept over at Dan's folks' place so that we could get up early to leave for Ohio on Thursday morning. Dan actually had a meeting to go to before he could leave, so his Dad and Gram went with him and occupied themselves by taking pictures until Dan was ready to leave. Eli and I went ahead with Dan's mom and Chris, Michelle and Ali. The babies did very well in the minivan. It was nice b/c they weren't so isolated as they would be in a car where they have to face the back and no one can get to them as easily. Eli is such a social baby. He was sooo well-behaved and cheerful while we were visiting family out there. Of course, everyone wanted to hold him and play with him and he just ate up all the attention. I wish I had gotten more pictures of everyone. But we had a really good time even if I did forget to bring the camera out.

Here is a picture that Bob took of Eli Wednesday night before we left. Considering that his bedtime is between 7 and 8 and this was taken at 10:30, he looks pretty good. He was in a good mood even though it was so late. He's learning to be more flexible and just go with the flow.